Jalaj P. Jha Technical & Miscellaneous Ramblings

If You Can’t Convince Them

A few one liners to bring up a smile

• True friends always stab you in the front.
• If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive. – Samuel Goldwyn
• I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. – Samuel Goldwyn
• What happened to the first 6 “ups”?
• Children are natural mimics. They act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.
• How can you respect a machine controlled by a mouse?
• Patience is a tree with sweet fruit, but bitter roots.
• Cow-Tipping Safety Tip: What looks like a sleeping cow might actually be a bull dozer.
• It was all so different before everything changed. -Ashleigh Brilliant
• If you have one foot in tomorrow and one foot in yesterday, you’re bound to find yourself pissing on today.
• A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation
• How do you get off a non-stop flight?
• A committee is a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
• University is a fountain of Knowledge… and the students are there to drink.
• What’s the deal with ejection seats on helicopters?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
• The honest weatherman; “Today’s forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I am wrong.”
• Her: “There’s a burglar downstairs eating that cake I made today.” Him: “Who should I call, the police or the ambulance?
• Z is the last letter in the alphabet because it overslept.
• Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
• If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. – Abraham Maslow